To read about our Saturday night prep and getting out the door, see Part 1 here.

Once You are at Church

In my experience, one of the hardest aspects of going to church with young children can be feeling alone in a sea of people that you love and want to connect with but can’t because there are three little humans who depend on you for their very existence. The most important thing you can do is be patient with your husband, your children, and yourself. Know that some days will run more smoothly than others, and I find it helpful to debrief after service to see what we can do better the next week to meet everyone’s needs.

The second most important thing you can do is to build your tribe. Ask for help and very patiently teach them how to help you. My youngest does not let anyone else hold him, so it is not helpful for someone to try to pick him up – in fact it throws everyone into chaos. But people think getting him will be the most help because he is the neediest, so I have to ask for what I need: can you take the older two for a walk around the hotel while I get the crafts set up for children’s ministry? Or can you cut out these fish while I feed the kids breakfast? Use your words. Speak up. Clearly. Overwhelmingly, other people at church want to help, but they cannot read your mind about how to effectively do that.

Find one or two young women who don’t have many other responsibilities, and ask them to help you each week. After a few weeks, you all will get into a routine, and everyone will benefit. They will have a mom friend, and you will have help. This is the beauty of a tribe that we completely miss in Western culture, and we suffer all the more for it in early motherhood. God did not design any one person to meet all of a child’s needs. So you don’t have to expect yourself to do that either.

There are some decisions to make as well. Are you going to sign your children into their class? There are pros and cons to both choices, and it may be different week to week. There are weeks where Fin happily goes to class, and then there are weeks where his meltdowns would be so disruptive that it is better for Afa and I to hold him. As you children get older, it is beneficial for them to be in corporate worship, and it is beneficial for them to build friendships with the students and teachers in class. Neither choice is right or wrong, but one your family should decide together. If you sign them in, do you want the teachers to notify you if your child cries for a certain amount of time? Make sure to let them know that. Again, communicate what you need in order to feel great about signing your child in, if that’s what you and your husband decide is best for your family.

My goal is always to walk away from church service with one thing that I learned or that I want to grow in. Often, sitting down and taking thorough notes for an entire sermon is impossible. We are up and down for much of the service putting out fires or talking to parents…or handling our own children. For a while, my expectations of myself during service didn’t shift after I had children. I still expected myself to have the same focus for the entirety of the service, so I left church feeling like a failure every week because that is no longer my reality. I now set expectations at a reasonable level so I leave feeling refreshed instead of defeated.

Finally, mentally prepare yourself that your normal schedule will not exist on Sundays. Naps will be at weird times for unusual lengths – and that has to be okay. My toddlers took their morning naps at 10am, exactly the time that church started; and they were not going to sleep with all the excitement of service. So they schedule had to be flexible, or sometimes non-existent, on Sundays. Communicate with the teachers what your normal schedule is so that they can do their best to help, but keep in mind that they have a classroom full of children, so there is no way it will be perfect. Patience, grace, and mercy will always win the day.

After Church

It’s very tempting to leave as soon as church is over, but I don’t recommend it. You, Mama, need this time of fellowship and getting your cup filled. I suggest planning ahead so that you know who you are going to have lunch with. They can plan to picnic with you at a park so the kids can play or plan to go to a child friendly restaurant so you can all spend time together. You need friends that you spend time with outside the meetings of the body. Your children need friends they spend time with. Your husband does too. Planning lunch with friends after church service capitalizes on the effort it took to get out the door in the morning.

I would have the kids either take naps in my chest carrier, stroller, or the wagon. Afa and I got to enjoy conversation and set ourselves up for success the rest of the week. Everyone needs their love cup filled, and I have found that Sunday lunch is a great time to do that.

Arriving Home

Exhausted. That is usually how I feel when I get home from church on Sundays. Even if we have a picnic or eat in a restaurant, my kids don’t eat as well on the go as they do at home. So they are almost always hungry when we get home from church. I feed them something easy (THIS is when we eat cereal!), brush their teeth, and let them watch TV the rest of the evening…they are usually exhausted too. All of us need some down time. I also put my phone away on Sunday evenings. Without my phone and with the kids watching TV, Sunday evenings are my times to connect with Afa and get ready for our school week. It’s the quiet after the storm. 

Sundays can seem daunting, especially after we have been quarantined for 18 months, but they are also days of celebration. Prepare yourself for the weekly celebration. Enjoy the celebration, and then rest afterwards.