I wrote this article in September 2017. I am glad to say I have learned much and grown far from where I was at this point, but I think it is still important to share.
“I’ll be happy when I graduate.”
“I’ll be happy when I get a job.”
“I’ll be happy when I am married.”
“I’ll be happy when I have kids.”
“I’ll be happy when my kids are older.”
Maybe we don’t say those sentences out loud, but perhaps they feature in our daily prayers. Or our daily complaints. Or both.
Discontentment can be easy to overlook when considering the parts of our lives that require repentance. However, understanding some related sins illuminates the seriousness of choosing to be discontent. Discontentment is rooted in greed, jealousy, and covetousness. God saw fit to ban covetousness in the Ten Commandments, and in Ephesians 5:3-7, He says that no greedy person has any inheritance in the Kingdom of God. Yikes.
Contentment, on the other hand, is to be satisfied, to be grateful, to rejoice in what God has given you, to look at your life and be pleased in the moment and in the season.
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.
1 Timothy 6:6-7
When I was in high school, a wise teacher once told my class that this was not the best time of our lives and that it only got better from here. From that moment, I realized that I could live each season as the best part of my life until that point and made a conscious decision to do so. I loved high school, my gap year, graduate school, single life, and married life without kids. I intentionally relished the privileges that came with each of those seasons. I lived by 1 Timothy 6 and believe that following God, along with choosing to love the life I had, was great gain for me. I was grateful for my homework and then grateful for my roommates. Obviously, there were moments of overwhelm, anger, and yes, even discontentment, but overall, I was thrilled in the life I lived because I came into this world with nothing, so everything I had was a gift.
I have a two-year-old daughter and a one-year-old son, so there is a stage of my life blatantly missing from the list above: married with very young children. In the season of life when society tells us that we are “complete” (married with kids), I chose long-term discontentment for the first time in my life. When my daughter was a very young toddler and my son was a newborn, I felt trapped in a life I had never really wanted. Having children had not been part of my life plan until I found my husband. After they were born, showering without kids at my feet became the ultimate luxury, and sleep seemed like a prize I might win on a game show one day. My times with God happened every other week or so when my husband let me escape to the local grocery store for an hour or two. I would count minutes until he would arrive home from work and longed for my life before my children were born. The deep selfishness in my heart makes it hard to be honest about this season, especially understanding that there are women who want nothing more than a child of their own and knowing I chose not to be grateful for the two God gave me.
Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs
Jonah 2:8 (NIV 1984)
I thought I deserved time to myself or a date with my husband or a chance to watch my favorite TV show instead of another episode of Little Einsteins. I clung to my worthless idols. To be clear, none of my desires were inherently evil, but clinging to those desires over contentment was sinful. It hurt me and my young family. I chose to be covetous of women who could read books they loved and jealous of wives who had child-free pictures with their husbands (oh, the pitfalls of social media!). I forfeited the joy of those months wishing for a different season than the one in which I was planted.
Are you choosing contentment or choosing to cling to worthless idols from another season? Perhaps you want a carefree single life instead of all the homework that comes with being a college student. Or maybe you look forward longingly to the days of the physical affection of a husband. Do you miss the hours you previously had to commune with God or with your spiritual sisters, which run in shorter supply in some seasons? Again, none of these desires are wrong, but if you are giving into jealousy, covetousness, and discontentment, you are also missing the joy of the gifts that the Father has lavished upon you already.
Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
Romans 13:14
Contentment is a choice. Like choosing the clothes we are going to wear for the day, we also choose the attitude we are going have. Contentment is a matter of obedience, but it is also a matter of joy. We can choose to gratify our sinful natures, but that will never bring us fulfillment. Take a moment to imagine your face, your persona, and your heart when you are discontent. What do they look like? What does it feel like? Now, imagine the same face, persona, and heart when you are content. Which of these do you prefer? Looking from the outside in, which would you choose? Like so many commands of God, He tells us to be content because He wants the best for us. Jealousy for different seasons eats away at our joy. Contentment allows us to blossom during this season, and then in the next.