The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18:2

In the fall of 2019, Afa and I were serving as shepherds to two regions in the church, and one of them was newly formed but going through a challenging time as the region leaders were in a spiritual emergency. I took over discipling 7 women. We also led children’s ministry in addition to raising my three kids, getting laid off and starting a new job, and having my in-laws move in with us full time. Needless to say, it was a Psalm 18:2 time for me. I had to lean on God as my strength and deliverer. Miraculously, we had many women studying the Bible between the two regions, and I needed to be in most of the studies due to a various circumstances.

I remember multiple nights showing up to Bible Talk without having fed the kids dinner. I packed a dinner for them, sometimes just bananas with PB&J supplies, dropped them off to the sisters who were willing to do childcare for Bible Talk and asked them to feed the kids dinner. As soon as Bible Talk was over, we would get the kids home, do baths, and get to bed, often with another meeting after that. The exhaustion was permeating and taking a toll on me and the kids. We got advice about prioritizing in our schedule, and determined that it would be best for Afa to go to Bible Talk and for me to stay home with the kids.

In March 2020, our world shut down as Covid-19 quarantines began. The newer region we were helping still didn’t have region leaders, and there was a frenzy of trying to make all of our church meetings virtual. It was chaotic, and we were learning a new reality and still I didn’t make it to Bible Talk. 

In the summer of 2020, we were fully transitioned to our new region so that we weren’t serving in two any more, which was helpful. Quarantine became a new normal, and we were put into a new Bible Talk, but I continued to make excuses and not call in to Bible Talk. Those excuses sounded a little like this: 

• I’m working from home in an apartment with my three kids, my two in-laws, and a nanny. I’m super grateful for all the help, but this many of us in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment during quarantine can feel a little claustrophobic. 
• The kids are my responsibility from 2:30pm when I get off work until Afa gets home at 5:30, but at this point, he had Bible studies almost every night that started at 6pm. The kids were outside for about four hours everyday and needed baths and dinner, which I did by myself since he was in Bible studies. Sometimes these things went smoothly; other times not so much. 
• By the time I got them washed, fed, and in front of the TV I looked and felt really rough. 
• When I would try to join Bible Talk, the kids would come and interrupt me repeatedly, melting down and refusing help from Afa. I was in and out of the frame constantly, which was embarrassing and distracting. 

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Jeremiah 17:9

After a few weeks of trying to make this work, I stopped trying. I would join the kids in whatever activity they were doing and let Afa sign into Bible Talk – that’s what we had been doing for a year, right? That meant it was fine, right? No, not this time around. This time, I was choosing to miss Bible Talk because getting to Bible Talk felt too hard, not because it was actually too hard or too much. This time around, I didn’t get any advice about it. I didn’t ask for help. I just gave up. 

Thankfully, I had some dear friends who checked in to see how I was, and I explained the whole situation. They very gently provided some practical suggestions about how we could make it work. Afa and I worked out a plan so that I would either go back to the bedroom or leave the house entirely for the 30 minutes that Bible Talk lasted. That way, the kids couldn’t pull me away. He would be responsible for them during that time, and we called in from different devices. I was amazed at his capacity to participate in the discussions and watch the kids. 

I was also reminded about how encouraging this small group setting was. I missed everyone terribly, and seeing only a few people on the Zoom call provided more connection than trying to scroll through multiple screens to see all the callers. Every week after Bible Talk, I was blessed – superlatively happy, content, and fulfilled, which was much better than being drained and defeated, which had been my frequent state of being over the previous months.

By November, Afa was the one who needed some extra support, and there was one Thursday I told him that he didn’t need to come home after work. He could take some time to himself and I would take care of the kids and Bible Talk. I made sure to start baths and dinner much earlier than I normally did so that we would all be settled before it started. I didn’t even have to turn the TV on for the kids. They were still needy, as young children always are. I ended up putting the laptop in the floor so that I could sit with Fin and play with him. My insecurities about it were gone though. We were showing up as a family. Each of us got our needs met in an individual way. And I attended Bible Talk….with my children! A few months before that, I would have called this was an impossible feat.

Since then, we have found our rhythm in a real way. The kids get bathed and settled, and Afa and I call in together, which is how I strongly prefer it. Yes, we inevitably get distracted and pulled away as the kids need things, but we are showing up. We are participating, and everyone walks away in a better place. 

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

Quarantine is hard; quarantine with kids is super hard. Not necessarily bad – I love how much the kids and I grew together over 2020 – but still hard. Add mental health issues on top of this, and everything spins out of control quickly. Getting help is complicated by the fact that visiting each other puts everyone at risk. Lord willing, that risk will be mitigated over 2021 as the vaccine becomes more widely available, but Covid is far from the only challenge that will tempt us away from meetings of the body. When getting to a meeting either IS too much or FEELS like it’s too much, be open and honest about it. Then be open to advice and suggestions about how to overcome, not because we are trying to follow all the legalistic rules but because we are missing the fellowship. We are stronger together. Christianity was never meant to be a solo sport – reach out so that we can all make it together. 

And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25