“Build a life you don’t need a vacation from.”

I read a social media post one time that said this. Because it came from a source I trusted, I considered the possibility. What would it look like for me to build a life that I didn’t need a vacation from? It would have to be very relaxed with slow days, great food, and acquiescent  children. 

That doesn’t sound realistic, but it also doesn’t sound like the life I want.

I want to raise my children. My kids were born relatively close together. Eliam turned two about two weeks before Fin was born, and Ana Lia was three. The early years were particularly challenging. Two of my kids were terrible sleepers and didn’t reliably sleep through the night until after they were two years old. At such young ages, they needed constant supervision. It was an exhausting stage. The kids are now 3, 5, and 6, and things are indescribably easier these days. They entertain one another for large swaths of the day, which helps immensely.

We also homeschool. While this brings us incalculable benefits as a family, it does require planning and follow through on my part. I have to know what subjects we are going to cover and then set aside time in the day to cover them. Our homeschool is very informal, which helps keep the stress levels low. There are days when we do not do any classes at all, but on most days we cover a variety of subjects including math, reading, Bible, geography, art, composers, poetry, and science. I enjoy teaching the kids, and they generally enjoy the classes. However, there are days when I have too much work to do or there are other complications that necessitate pushing the lessons to the following day.

I want my parents-in-law to stay with us. Afa’s parents are vital members of our family. I am so grateful that my kids have daily, close relationships with their grandparents. When my father-in-law lost almost all of his mobility in May 2021, the caretaking responsibilities increased substantially. For several weeks we were doing IV infusions multiple times a day and taking care of all his hygiene needs. As he healed and got stronger, he was able to help with some of the rolling and turning, reducing the physical workload, and his joy always made it easier to do the hard things. The children loved to be around him, and Fin always wanted to help with “Papa’s medications.” He would hold the cup while I put the pills in, and then he would give it to Papa, who called him “Doctor Finiasi.” 

Afa’s mom struggled with memory loss. As the months passed, she also required much more direct care than she had needed when she first moved in with us. I had to ensure that she showered regularly and had to oversee her medications. She would forget that she had turned the stove on and nothing was ever where it was supposed to be in the kitchen because she returned items to random places. I wouldn’t have traded those months for anything. It was an opportunity to truly honor Afa’s parents in the way that the Bible instructs. The hard days were worth it because we had the privilege of their love and wisdom in our home.

I want to work hard in the ministry. The life of a disciple of Jesus is not one of leisure and pleasure, despite the overwhelming message of American Christianity to the contrary. I want to lead Bible studies with women and serve in the church however I can. Right now, that means Afa and I lead Children’s Ministry. It requires several hours of preparation each week, including writing lessons, sending out lesson plans, and purchasing supplies. Then we are in and out of service every Sunday. I’m grateful for the ability to serve the parents and the children. 

I want to work hard at my job. There are certainly days that I envy women who are able to be full time mothers without working a full time job. I imagine how much less complicated my life would be if I wasn’t trying to juggle my day job with everything else going on. But that’s not financially feasible for us right now, and that’s okay. As long as I have a job, I want to do my very best at it, and that can lead to us missing some classes in our homeschool days and often leads to the children having to fend for themselves several hours a day. It also allows us to provide opportunities for the kids that they wouldn’t have if I wasn’t working.

But these things in combination are exhausting. Afa and I try to go away for our anniversary in May, but the weekend kept getting delayed until we were able to go in September for me to run a 10K in Santa Rosa. My sister-in-law watched the kids while we went away for two nights. It was refreshing in so many ways. I was able to sleep all night both nights, which doesn’t usually happen with our children around. I was able to pray, read, rest, and write for most of the day on Saturday. I came home feeling recharged to 100%, and I had been living day to day on 5-10% I was so grateful for the privilege of taking a whole weekend off. 

Which brings me back to the idea of building a life you don’t need a vacation from. Building that life would mean leaving out so many of the parts of my life that I highly value. These are the aspects of my days that give me joy, love, peace, and hope. Yes, the days can be hard. In fact, there are days when I count down the minutes to Afa’s return from work because I am so ready to have someone else take the reins for the chaos that is often our house. But I wouldn’t trade the abundance of my days for the ease of a different life.

Working hard is not mutually exclusive with fulfillment and happiness. In fact, they coexist more often than not. Rather than building a life I don’t need a vacation from, I choose to build an abundant life that requires work and sacrifice. Then I try to schedule breaks when I need to in order to ensure that my needs are met along with the other people in my life.