A verse that any parent who hangs around church knows all too well, nearly by heart (although as American Christians we infrequently take the time to actually memorize Scripture), is Proverbs 22:6. The most common translation for this verse that we hear is the reliable King James Version, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” There is so much to unpack in this short verse because, as so many verses are these days, it has been pulled out of context and applied to situations far outside its scope.

The Translation Itself

One of the most interesting parts of our common translations of this verse is the insertion of the word “should.” As you read through Blue Letter Bible, you can see that the phrase that gets translated into “way he should go” more literally means “way, road, distance, journey, manner.” When we insert “should go,” there is an implication that we as parents determine that direction and the direction that we are training them is THE RIGHT way. It takes an incredible amount of arrogance to decide that we know the way our children should go.

Instead, when we understand the verse to say “his way,” “his journey,” “his character,” it becomes easier to see that we are not the arbiters of the journey but the guides. As parents, our job is to provide guidance, discipline, and direction while our children explore the world God has set before them and find their own path through it. It is not our job to predetermine what that should be and then enforce that in some false hope of an unpromised outcome.

When removing the word “should,” another potential reading of the Scripture is “Train a child in his own way, and when he is old, he will not eschew it.” This explanation tells us that if we train a child to do what they want when they want as they want, when they are older, they will continue to think mostly of themselves. It is an encouragement to teach our children discipline, self denial, and a concern for others.

Prosperity Gospel of Parenting

In the further exploration of an unpromised outcome, I believe it is important to begin with the definition of a proverb. For the purposes of this short post, we will use the one provided in BEMA Podcast 45: a wise saying that is generally true. In order to demonstrate the way that this definition operates in the biblical book of Proverbs, allow me to provide some examples.

Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings. He will not stand before obscure men.

Proverbs 22:29 ESV

We understand that this is generally true, but it would be obviously foolish to assume that this is a promise of God, especially understanding that a proverb is a wise saying that is generally true. Someone could easily be very skilled in what they do and never have a chance to show anyone their skills. However, as a wise saying, it encourages us to develop our skills to be used in great ways.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

Proverbs 15:22

Again, this is an incredibly wise saying, but it would be foolish to take this proverb that is generally true and extrapolate that to mean that every plan made without advice will fail, and similarly that every plan made with lots of advice will succeed. These proverbs are NOT promises of God. And it is important to put them in their correct place in the Scriptures – wise saying that will help us lead more righteous lives but are not in any way a guaranteed outcome.

Returning to our passage of discussion: too many of those lining up to denigrate Joel Osteen, Creflo Dollar, and the like, are among the first to hawk their wares of false promises constructed from Proverbs 22:6. We have already discovered that the word “should” can be wholly removed from the verse when deciphering how to apply it. We can then take the more literal translation to “instruct, dedicate or train up a young person on his journey, manner, or character, and when he is old, he will not eschew, turn, depart, remove it.” In a similar vein to the proverbs listed above, it will always be wise to provide your children discipline, instruction, and guidance on their journey. And it is generally true that doing this will lead your child to more righteous choices further down that road.

However, just as it is foolish to read Proverbs 22:29 and Proverbs 15:22 as promises, so it is to take Proverbs 22:6 as one. It is possible for parents to do as many parts of parenting right as they can, and upon growing up that child will still choose an unhealthy, damaging path. It is just as possible that a child comes from parents who did not do a good job chooses a completely different path for their own children.

In taking this proverb and turning it into a vending machine for “Godly children,” we do a great disservice to ourselves, our children, and the actual promises that we find in the Bible. Prosperity gospel promises that if you give a certain amount of money then God is going to “bless” (what an atrocious use of that word) you with even more money than you have given. In the same way, Christian parents can take this verse and determine that if they provide sufficient instruction in the ways that their children should learn, behave, and believe, then they will also be “blessed” with adult offspring who do not stray from the parents’ chosen path.

Conclusion

By combining these false promises with the instructions from Titus 1:6, we easily end up with rules and traditions that supercede the commands of the Bible. As Westerners who want everything to be measurable, we start trying to put ages on what it means that the will not turn from the path when they are “old.” However, these rules that provide us a sense of comfort and direction are nowhere to be found in the Scriptures. 

As parents, we should undoubtedly be teaching our children to live their lives according to the Scriptures. We should guide them and discipline them to learn self control, but we should not hold as a promise that they will follow the path we want them to because that promise was never made. As we give them our hearts and our lives, we should do it as an example of the deep love of our Father, rather than as a deposit on the return to which we believe we are entitled.