I got the incredible privilege of spending four days in Mexico with one of my best friends. Afa took three days off work so he could be with the kids the whole time I was gone, and I went jet setting off to beautiful Mexico City for a time of joy and reconnection. One of the most common challenges around motherhood (and my guess is: around most adulthood in Western countries) is loneliness. Our homes are built so that two parents are responsible for meeting all the needs of their children, a design not setting many people up for success. Our lives are structured so that our spouse has to meet all our social and emotional needs, also a recipe for failure. Too often the missing ingredient is close friendships.

I met Renail in September of 2009. She studied the Bible with me, and we were roommates for a long time. She moved to Santiago, Chile, in 2012 but returned to visit me after each of my kids was born. I am out of the pregnancy and nursing stage, so my ability to travel has opened substantially. When the opportunity arose for me to spend a few days with her, it was a treasure. It also helped me see some important facets of friendships that allow them to be well rounded.

Rest

Although I build rest into my daily life by having a regular bedtime and spending time with God before my children wake up, my days are naturally very full. One of the gifts of my time in Mexico was two days when Renail had to go to work until 1pm. I was able to sleep until I woke up without an alarm clock, have breakfast at my leisure, enjoy a long time in the Bible, and make progress on my crochet quilt while listening to my favorite podcast. I went for a run without having to worry about getting back quickly. These hours of solitude were a rare gift.

We also went to see Jurassic World: Dominion. I love all the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World movies, but Renail had a hard time finding tickets to any show. Even when I told her that we could stay home and watch Netflix, she was insistent that we were going. For about $10 in Mexico, you can get a VIP experience, which means recliners, special access to a lounge, and a fancy menu from which they deliver the food directly to your seat. We felt so fancy and so relaxed. It was a restful, joyful time to hang out with one another.

Play

We also played plenty during my visit. We went to the Museo Nacional de Antropologia, walked around the Coyoacan Mercado, enjoyed street performances, rode on boats in Xochimilco, and ate more amazing food than we ever should have in four days. Finding joy in each day is imperative to not being overwhelmed in the pressures of life, but there are not many days in a row that are overwhelmed with joy. The amount of time we spent simply enjoying hanging out and enjoying the beauty of Mexico city was a precious treasure. 

One of the most dramatic incidents while I was down there happened on our way to Xochimilco. We picked up food to eat during the boat ride, and we were taking two cars on the long drive to the canals when smoke started coming from the engine of the car Renail and I were in. After quickly pulling over to the side of the road, all the other women in the cars huddled around the engine with the hood popped. As they started trying to figure out what was wrong, the driver of our car removed a cap, and boiling water erupted from the spigot. Anyone who was close suffered minor burns, but the driver burned her hand badly enough that she could not drive anymore. Several women walked down to a close convenient store to purchase burn ointment and water to put into the engine. 

After their return, they were all speaking in Spanish together, so I didn’t know what the plan was; but I kept wondering who was going to drive the car now. Renail and I had had several previous conversations about how few people have driver’s licenses or cars there. Renail walked over to me and asked me if I could drive the car. I have had a driver’s license for almost two decades, but driving is a huge trigger for my anxiety and driving in the middle of Mexico City was something else entirely. In a scene straight out of a sitcom, I was driving with Renail sitting in the passenger seat and the previous driver in the back seat. I was waiting for the second car to pull out so I could follow when Renail informed me that we were the lead car. Renail received directions in Spanish then translated them into English for me.

The car overheats again relatively quickly, so we park it at the side of a safe road, pile all six of us into a small car and go enjoy our time on the boats after the dramatic afternoon. Everyone applies burn ointment repeatedly as we eat and enjoy the views.

Work

A third facet of adult friendships is working or serving together. As wonderful as rest, relaxation, and recreation are, at some point it’s important to look beyond meeting one’s personal needs and desires. During the weekend, Renail and I were able to do both during our weekend together. Renail does administration for an ICCM class, so we attended that on Saturday morning before going to the museum. Then on Sunday morning, I was able to share with the church down in Mexico some of the victories that God has given the church in San Francisco. 

Conclusion

We were designed to be social creatures, to grow up in tribes immersed in family and love. Because our society has been designed to separate us down to the nuclear family, it takes more effort to build and sustain these relationships than it has in centuries past. If we can find those people that we can share our lives with: the rest, the play, the work and all the things in between – those relationships are worth cultivating, like a beautiful garden.