You can read the first part of this post here.

Pregnancy and Stress

Listen, my son, and be wise,
    and set your heart on the right path:
Do not join those who drink too much wine
    or gorge themselves on meat,
or drunkards and gluttons become poor,
    and drowsiness clothes them in rags.

Proverbs 23:19-21

Afa and I got married and moved to Denver, Colorado, immediately. At the time, I could easily run 4-5 miles a day in DC. I had heard of altitude sickness and the thin air, but I had no idea how intense that was until I got there. We went for a run, and in less than half a mile, my lungs felt like they were on fire. I was too proud to ask Afa to stop but about a 100 yards ahead, he asked if we could take a break and I immediately affirmed. We were both doubled over, hands on our knees, trying to get oxygen that was in so little supply. I struggled with altitude sickness for months. The nausea, fatigue, and vertigo were overwhelming some days, and running was usually out of the question. Simply getting out of bed was a feat of indescribable magnitude some days.

While we were in Denver, we went through some tough times financially (you can read that whole story here), and I was pregnant twice. I thought pregnancy was going to be a breeze because it was for my mom, but I could not have been more wrong. Each pregnancy was harder than the previous one as I threw up daily and often multiple times every day for most of my pregnancies. There were times when Afa would ask what I wanted for dinner and I would honestly respond “a glass of milk” because that was all my stomach could handle. For the three and a half years we lived in Denver, my eating habits went from bad to worse. I stopped running, which had been a source of joy for me, and I stopped exercising self-control with my food. 

Repentance in Self-Control

They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved.

Psalm 78:18

We moved to San Francisco, and I didn’t repent in that area. In fact, I was so out of touch, I didn’t even realize I needed to. I developed incredibly destructive habits like waiting until I was alone to eat so no one would see me. Eating with our family and then finishing the rest of the food when I was washing the dishes. Finishing all the food off my kids’ plates after I had eaten a full meal. I would hide food from my family because I didn’t want anyone else eating it. I had learned that you are supposed to eat when you are hungry, but I had twisted that and made it so if I was hungry I needed to eat immediately. It didn’t matter what time it was or what the kids needed, my eating took precedence over everything. If I was hungry for more than just a few minutes, I was “hangry” and often gave into that anger and lack of self-control. Food once again became a source of shame, and I didn’t walk in the light and allow other people to help me with it.

It’s not generally recommended to fast from food while pregnant or nursing, and I was pregnant or nursing for more than six years in a row; so it had been a long time since I had done a long fast from food. I had several friends who started intermittent fasting. In general, I am strongly against fad diets, but I remember thinking several times: there is NO WAY I could go 16 hours without eating. I have to eat regularly or I get angry. And it occurred to me after having this thought multiple times that maybe that’s exactly what I needed to do. I needed to remember that God was my God, not food. My hunger should not have been allowed to rule my day or my family. I decided that I would start fasting 16 hours a day. 

Honestly, at first, it was super challenging, and there were days when I ate before my fast was over. But I could soon see that I could go longer and longer without being miserably hungry. Then one day I realized that I was hungry, but there were no emotions that came with it. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t frustrated, and I wasn’t losing my temper simply because I was hungry. I could recognize that my body needed to eat without dictating other people’s actions because of it. It was no longer my god. For the second time in my life, I had a healthy relationship with food. I would eat what I wanted during my eating window without gorging myself. If our family had cake or pizza or something else that I wanted, I told myself that I could have some when it was time but I needed to exercise both patience and self-control. Neither one was easy, but repentance brings refreshment. Food was no longer a source of shame and selfishness, but a source of joy that I could partake in without guilt.

Relapse and Consequences

Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.

Philippians 3:19

For six months, I was in a state of joy with my eating habits. I enjoyed food without overeating. Then life happens, as it often does. My father-in-law became very ill, and our family routines were thrown into chaos. Challenging times are never an excuse for sin, but I used it as one. I started eating to the point of feeling ill again. I started looking around the corner to see if anyone could see me while I snuck a few more bites of cake. One day after church, it was taking us a long time to get to lunch, and I snapped at Afa – and quickly realized it was because I was hungry. I had sunk deeply back into my old sin and patterns of living. It hadn’t taken long at all. 

I was overwhelmed with sadness that my repentance had been short lived but encouraged that repentance is always one decision away. I can choose to make righteous choices with my eating. I can choose to repent of gluttony.

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Conclusion

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

Romans 12:1

It is important to me that I make clear that I do not believe one diet or one eating method is the right way to repent of gluttony. In fact, I don’t believe that could be further from the truth. The first time I was able to have a healthy relationship with food, I ate six times a day, which helped me at the time because I didn’t know what healthy food was. It helped me learn to care for my body. The second time, I only ate twice a day in close proximity to one another because I needed to learn that food was not the boss.

I believe the only way to repent of gluttony is to determine what is causing your overeating and start there. You need to figure out how to repent of your sin in your life. Pray about it. Walk in the light. Decide in what areas you specifically need to repent. Maybe it’s cutting out sugar because that’s the idol you have. Maybe it’s choosing to eat only when you are hungry. Maybe it’s eating at only certain times of the day. Every person’s struggle with food is different, so find the one that brings you joy because you have a healthy relationship with food, not the plan that helped someone else lose a lot of weight.