But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

Impatience is a character sin in my life. It has taken a lot of spiritual digging to begin to root this out of my heart. My most memorable discipling time about patience was right after Eliam was born, and my mom visited for several weeks to help me with the new baby. She was doing something on the computer one night, going very slowly, pressing the wrong buttons and closing the wrong windows. I said “Ugh, Mama, move over. Just let me do it.” I could tell she was very hurt, and she looked at me and said, “You are so impatient with me.” I was cut to the heart about my sin. Even though it had hurt her in that moment, I knew that it had hurt many people close to me, and I needed to repent. 

Repentance for me often looks like a process or a script. I have one for anxiety, and I needed one for impatience. 

1) “This is impatience.” 

The first step in repenting of impatience is naming it. This is actually the first step in repenting of any sin. Repentance is recognizing one way that you fall short of God’s standard and then choosing the opposite. You cannot possibly do the opposite if you don’t know what that something is. Name it with a Biblical word. Once you name the sin, then you know what to head toward instead.

In relation to patience, I have to be aware of my actions enough to trigger the thought or even the verbal statement, “I am being impatient.” I can be impatient in small, daily life with my family like when Ana Lia and Fin decided at two years old that they wanted to buckle their own car seats. I know this fosters independence, but I could be so impatient when they wanted to do it while we needed to get somewhere. I can also be impatient in the bigger life-altering moments, like when we were trying to buy a house. Identification of the sin allows me to repent.

2) “Is this urgent?”

Once I have named impatience as the sin, the next question in the process is “Is this urgent?” The answer to this question will determine the next steps.

I am standing in absolute stillness, silent before the one I love, waiting as long as it takes for him to rescue me. Only God is my Savior, and He will not fail me.

Psalm 62:5 TPT

2a) “No.”

If it’s not urgent and honestly in my life it’s usually not, I hold on to this Scripture: “Standing in absolute stillness…as long as it takes.” 

• My kids are not cleaning their room at the speed I think is acceptable? Absolute stillness, as long as it takes. (Internally, at least. Externally, I need to be helping and providing instructions.)
• My mother-in-law is dawdling in the kitchen while I’m trying to get things done? Absolute stillness, as long as it takes. 
• I’m still paying on my student loans 15 years after graduation with no end in sight? Absolute stillness, as long as it takes. 
• Sitting in traffic because I didn’t plan properly? Absolute stillness, as long as it takes.
• Imagine the situations in which you are quick to lose your patience. What would stillness look like for you in that moment?

Impatience is often rooted in discontentment. If I choose to be content in the place that God has me, whether that is in the big things or in the small things, it is easy to be patient. I am content and fulfilled in the moment. If I’m discontent, wishing to be somewhere different or better or faster, that when impatience rears its ugly head. 

2b) “Yes.”

There are times when my impatience is rooted in urgency. My kids are rough and tumble kids, and as parents who encourage risky play, we have to be prepared for injuries. Ana Lia broke her foot at the very beginning of the pandemic leaping off the couch. Eliam had to get a staple in the crown of his head when he fell off his bike at three years old, and the sister who was babysitting at the time had never watched my kids before. Losing my patience in that moment could have forever damaged our relationship. So I understand there are times when impatience can be rooted in urgency.

In those moments, I have to handle the urgent situation, but I have to do it righteously. I need to explain to the other people in the situation exactly what I need but do it in a tone of voice that doesn’t demean them. I need to consider the options in the situation and make decisions that are best for everyone involved. I don’t have to yell or belittle or humiliate other people in the course of taking the best action. Stopping to breathe and asking for help are often the best first steps in addressing urgency. My sister is a paramedic, so the first thing I did after cleaning up the blood from Eliam’s head wound was to take a picture of it and text it to Teona to ask the best next steps. 

Overview: Start by naming your impatience. If it’s not urgent, be still. If it is urgent, handle it…but handle it in a righteous way.

Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. If we are rooted in the vine, we will grow patience. It might take pruning and digging and shaping, but we all can grow it.