It seems likely that Eliam will become a quintessential middle child. His sister is one to lead from the front, and his brother is a hurricane. He’s the quiet in the storm between them, and there is so much I love and admire about him. He LOVES superheroes. Long before we bought any capes, he wanted blankets tied around his neck. He wants to watch all the Marvel cartoons and wants everything with Superman, Spiderman, Batman, or all of the above. 

He is also a very sensitive kid and one of the most introverted people I know. There was a point when he stopped taking naps if we were at home all day, but on Sundays after we spent several hours and church and he was in Bible class all morning, he could sleep for more than two hours. That much social interaction exhausted him. If there is a tag in the wrong spot on his clothes or they are made of the wrong fabric, he will respond the way that most people act if there was a spider crawling up their leg. He just can’t handle it. And he takes injustice very seriously. He melts down quickly if he believes something is not fair, although slowly but surely, he is mastering some tools like deep breathing and identifying his emotions to learn to get through the biggest waves.

In addition to all the things I love about him, there is so much that I have learned from him. When the Bible says to become like little children, it makes so much sense to me.I’ve learned different things about the character of God and about discipleship from each of my kids, and these are the top three that I have learned from Eliam.

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

1 Peter 3:8

1. Affection and compassion win the day. 

At any point in the day, Eliam will walk up, wrap his arms around my neck and say “I love you too, Mama.” Often, this is how he communicates his love cup needs to be filled, but it’s also one of my favorite moments of the day. He wants to hold the hug for about a minute and then go on with his day, but that connection is so important to him (and to me). 

His little brother is a bit of a hurricane, leaving destruction in his wake wherever he goes. This exasperates Eliam to no end, but anytime that Fin is asleep in the living room, Eliam says “Mama, I’m just going to give him a LITTLE kiss.” (Cue my internal battle between desperately not wanting the toddler to wake up but also wanting to encourage brotherly love!)

My favorite story about Eliam was one that I didn’t even witness. One of his teachers told me. At one point, we were meeting for church in an elementary school. Eliam was around 2, and anytime that the kids had free play time, he would go sit in this little cubby away from everyone. He couldn’t handle the noise and chaos. One day, there was a little girl there for the first time, and he saw that she didn’t like the noise either. So he showed her where the cubbies were and let her sit next to him for the free play period! 

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat — for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Proverbs 127:2

2. Eat when you’re tired, and sleep when you’re hungry.

If at any point we looked around and couldn’t find Eliam, we knew he was asleep somewhere random – under the bed, in the hallway, next to the door. If Eliam is tired, he goes to sleep. On the nights that he stays awake long enough for me to lay down with him, he wants to cuddle long enough to pray and listen to a story, then he rolls over to find the right spot on his pillow and he goes to sleep. Even when he is watching his tablet, when he’s tired, he puts it to side and goes to bed. He doesn’t fight it or try to push through; he rests when he’s tired.

There is so much for me to learn from this habit. How many nights have I watched one (or three) more episodes of Netflix, knowing I needed sleep? How many times have I refused to sleep because I had to finish something that I could have done earlier in the day but procrastinated. Now, there are absolutely times when we have to sacrifice sleep. Babies are very needy in the middle of the night, and sometimes Bible studies and baptisms happen at all hours. But then there are the times when I don’t sleep simply because I am not exercising enough discipline, and Eliam is such an example to me in this area. (And in case you are tempted to think he’s a great sleeper due to the amazing parenting of either Afa or myself, I offer my other two children as counter-evidence…)

Eating is the other area in which I am amazed at his self-regulation. For most of his life, Eliam has not eaten dinner. There are exceptions, but overwhelmingly, he will eat a few bites or nothing at all. When he wakes up in the morning, he is very hungry and will eat lots of food. But when he isn’t hungry, he doesn’t eat. As someone who has struggled with food fixation for most of my life, this amazes me. He has a serious sweet tooth and is a little bit of a picky eater, so again, don’t be too impressed with our parenting skills. 

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.

Proverbs 31:8

3. He speaks up when he sees injustice from his perspective.

One thing that is almost certain to send Eliam into meltdown mode is when he believes circumstances are unfair. He will do this for himself, when he thinks his brother or sister has gotten something he hasn’t or has an opportunity he didn’t get, but he also does this for others. If we have popsicles while we are playing outside, he will go knock on all his friends’ doors to ask them if they want popsicles. If there is an argument among the children, he wants to tell the entire story, including what his part was too. He takes responsibility for his actions, and he is quick to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

There are times that I am afraid he doesn’t get enough focus because he is low maintenance between two high needs siblings. He is happy to play alone acting out Spiderman stories on the patio while I handle whatever current crisis is happening indoors. His determination and kindness root me when I’m having a hard day. He is my little superhero.